The crushed plant

If you know me, you know I love plants! I find it very clear why God gave man the job of tending a garden... such beauty!

So, I have a few plants around my back patio. I enjoy them, I know them, I care for them.

and then... my two year old: that boy!

I was peacefully sitting in my living room when I saw pillows flying from the deck (second floor) and onto the patio below, where my beloved plants are, those pillows are not fluffy! they are outdoor furniture pillows and they fell directly on one of my favorite succulents. My husband bought that one for my from the Milwaukee Domes during our last trip there. Everything that comes from Wisconsin I treasure, if it is a plant... even more! So I was afraid to even lift the pillow.

The sight was not pretty. My precious Crassula Rupestris (Kebab Succulent) had been crushed... there were leaves, little pieces of branches and dirt everywhere. A big part of the plant remained in the pot and attached to the roots but not intact. Some pieces were just gone. The whole plant suffered. I felt overwhelmed with sadness and even anger... it was a bigger reaction than you would expect for a little plant...  and it's because I saw myself in that plant... I saw myself and friends and brothers and sisters in those leaves that were so violently snatched from the plant.... and yet the story doesn't end there...

 

As I picked up the pot and the broken pieces... I immediately yelled at my son  ehem... started to work on the plant. I started to carefully place the leaves and stems into different pots, some stayed in bigger clumps together, some individual pieces went to new pots and containers.

What once was a beautiful plant would all start to become different plants all of their own. This could only happen  because of my love for them and because I know what to do. Some will struggle a bit longer than others, some will immediately start to grow roots and even the original plant will never look the same and was severely wounded. For each of those now separate plants somehow things will begin to be better... and then even blossom into perfect, healthy new life.

This wasn't my original plan for the plant. What happened wasn't my purpose for it or what I desired for it, and even though I knew I could do still do something about it, it still hurt. I still wish it hadn't gone through that. There will be discipline for the one who caused it, because it wasn't entirely unintentional... he knew exactly what he was doing. The plants might look at me and think I did this for this very purpose. I am so good with them that when they see themselves healthy and beautiful they might even think I caused them the initial pain so that it could lead to this. My plants will not ever understand this is something I never meant for them and I was never behind their crushing... but even when that wasn't my plan, I love them enough to still restore and redeem and I can turn something that could have destroyed them into something good. Yes, sometimes there's pruning and cleaning up that might be painful and I am behind that but, other things happen just because we live in sinful world... where even Jesus had to pray "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven"... we are definitely not there yet! And still I trust the perfect Creator to heal and restore the pieces that are broken in all of our lives.

Prayer: Thank you Lord for being oh so gentle! for caring for us your children even more than we could ever care for plants... Thank you for your gentle hand when pruning... and for your mighty hand to do something beautiful even out of any and all unexpected events. You are above it all, you are able!


© Paloma K.

New Mercies

Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)

22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

© Paloma K.

Leaving a church... not The Church

What a busy time this has been! And in this point of life we are finding ourselves going through an indescribably painful moment as a family as we have left the place that we have called "our church" for  exactly 8 years... so get ready because this is going to be a loaded post....

In this period of time where I go from disappointment to sadness to anger to zeal to thirst and hunger for justice, to numbness and denial and feel like I am almost in a loop ... I cling to God and cling to people who I have found through this process that are also believers in God... not in man... people who thankfully see what we see... feel as we feel and have too been convicted with the same convictions and it makes it all more endurable.

But there is something I have found and I feel the need to talk about (well.. in all honesty there's so much that I feel the need to address but all in due time) I find myself often thinking of  the verse that says:

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." (James 1:19b-20) 

I don't always succeed with the slow to become angry.... so pray for me there!

So today I want to talk about:

Reasons for leaving a church:

What are the reasons to leave a church? Well... we are free... (while at the same time being bondservants of Christ and submitted to Him)...  of course as believers we should have a strong commitment to the Body of Christ and realize that The Church IS God's answer for the World until He comes back... we are never going to leave The Church.... but we are not necessarily tied to a local church in an unbreakable covenant that we cannot leave because that would be a cult... not a church... but something I have heard a lot, lately is the

"as long as the Word keeps being preached you should stay" 

or 

"as long as the Gospel is being proclaimed you shouldn't leave"

and it made me think of how sadly I have said those same phrases in the past... without any biblical foundation... is that the only reason to leave a church? if the Word of God is no longer being preached? I mean... if it got to that I hope you of course know to identify it and leave it... if the Word of God is not being preached please, I don't think you need to read an article to tell you that is not the church... at all...

but...  I am going to dare to say the following... You can leave the local church you attend when:

- It changed so drastically and dramatically it is no longer the church you joined. 
  I mean... what would the difference be then between that church and another one? If you can't even recognize it? again... we are not in a cult, we are in local churches where if you leave it doesn't mean you are telling those people you no longer want anything to do with them... I am sure those that are close to you will continue to be close even if you leave. I guess what I am saying is ... if you want to stay you're free to do so.... if you want to leave... you are free to do so too... I know it's a weird concept to understand but sadly sometimes it seems that those that those who changed EVERYTHING expect everybody to be in agreement... and if anyone wants to leave for that they're mocked like they're not strong in the faith or something... and those leaving end up being attacked just by their preference... Many say it's bad to leave a church because of music preferences and lights or worship styles... and while those might not be the deepest reasons or holiest sounding reasons the truth is that we all usually attend a place where we feel free to worship even with our personality styles... some people wouldn't like to worship dancing inside the building, some would, some wouldn't like tambourines, some would, some wouldn't like music that is extremely loud, some would and that is all ok... we can still love one another and decide it is no longer the place where we want to worship... That is OK! So if you leave a place for those reasons... I'd say how happy for you... because ... at least you're not going through terrible heartache.... It's not a division or a deception or a horrible conflict... it's just a matter of preference... it shouldn't divide anybody... some like to worship one way, some another and it doesn't make those who stay or those who leave better than the other.

Paul and Barnabas are a good example of brothers that parted ways over a disagreement that was not a doctrinal issue... (can two walk together if they don't agree? ) The rupture involved a personal dispute based upon a judgment call. neither Paul nor Barnabas let the conflict distract them from their efforts of spreading the gospel... and it didn't mean one hated the other. 

But...  the other thing... and maybe deeper reasons to leave would be:

2 Tim. 3 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive,disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.


So.... what about the preaching of the Gospel? Well... the Bible also says:

You Will Know Them by Their Fruits

15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits.Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them.

And the Bible also says that we can honor God with our lips and yet our hearts are far from Him!

Another one:
“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’

So... honestly... the whole "only leave a church if they stop preaching the Word of God" doesn't hold much water if by "preaching" or "teaching" we are referring to the words that come out of their mouth.... we might be far away from what the Word of God actually says!

So... what about all the pastors that have abused children and were at the same time "preaching the Word of God"? Should we stay "as long as the Word of God is being preached?"

I have to remember that the devil himself knows Scripture and quotes it and has tried to deceive many (including the Son of God Himself) with the very words in that Book throughout the history of humanity... (from the very beginning).

Just recently I had an encounter with someone I thought I knew and now I realize I never really did.... some leaders in our churches expect us to follow blindly the one in the front because he is "being led by the Holy Spirit" ("don't you dare question that or I cannot longer talk to you!" is the response)... do not be deceived brothers and sisters... you and I have the Holy Spirit as well... (or what do they think we're following?) They trusted us for a voting when we had no real information except our trust in them when they were the designated group looking for a pastor... and now that we actually start to discover what the plans were all along (and which were never disclosed to the whole church) they are offended if we question it and I guess we're no longer Christian in their eyes? or the Holy Spirit somehow left us?... It's us... THE CHURCH! SAYING... THIS IS NOT FROM GOD!

If only one person or a certain group of "leaders" has that access to God then again... it's not a church with the Holy Spirit indwelling each believer but if He seems to reveal himself only to the one getting paid for it... that is not The Church... it is just a weird cult of our own making.

Also... if you can't even question what's going on.... and you're met with bullying tactics... if you can't even ask anyone what's happening and they demonize anyone for questioning... . When people in leadership abuse members because "that's how things are done whether people like it or not" when people are fired because we are pursuing trendiness. When they tell you they can't say more because they don't want to bash anyone (like that's not precisely BASHING them just by saying that). When there is so much secrecy that that's exactly what creates rumors and divisions, when the hearts of our brothers and sisters are being broken behind close doors but in public we make it appear as "we are all ok, let's pray for their faithful ministry", when we sound more like a wordly corporation than the church, honestly... shame on us if we let it continue... I am sure many will still continue... even after knowing the truth... and that's ok... but everyone should at least have the chance to know what really is going on!

I used to sell self defense tools... I mostly care about sharing the information for women, children and teens to protect themselves against abuse and sexual violence and there is one thing I learned..

ABUSE LIVES AND IS PERPETUATED BY THE SILENCE OF THE VICTIMS

Abusers always have one MO they tell their victims that it would be best for them to not speak to anyone else about it because "you don't want to hurt others" ... the shame is put in the victim, they make them feel guilty and even responsible for the pain "they're going to cause"...

But in many of our churches you will hear how approachable they are and "If you need to talk to someone talk to your leaders" well, isn't that convenient?... it's like asking the victim to talk to the abuser to "address her fears" ... 

The molester tells the little girl to not tell her mommy because her mommy will be devastated

the husband tells the wife to not tell anyone because he also can say things about her.... and her shame is enough to get her quiet...

Abuse happens... in churches too... not always in ways that make the headlines but I have witnessed it now from up close happening...

in our churches sometimes it's wolves telling the sheep to stay quiet for the sake of the unity of the flock...

when it's them ... who are devastating and ravaging the flock

When can you leave your church?

When not only can you leave but it would be wrong for you to stay?

When the Word of God is being preached from up front and stepped on with the actions when nobody else can see... When the Body of Christ is being dismissed for age or style, when the Word of God is being used for personal gain and to form a personal kingdom rather than to extend the Kingdom of God... When there is deception and lies!  Where can we find a good church? Not a perfect church because hey... we're not perfect... but if the Word of God is being preached and there's no blatant deception, abuse, demonzing those who dare question... when you feel like the music is extremely loud even.... thank God that if you are in Christ you are never leaving THE CHURCH....  you and I are family even if I have never met you... then You know HIS voice and follow it.... if you are not making a dime and you stand up for your brother and sister... if injustice, money hunger, the Word being deceptively "proclaimed" makes you want to scream "How long o Lord? How long? until your Bride is safely forever with you and free from those who want to ravage it pretending to be shepherding it...."

I am sick of the corporation or club... what a stinking waste of time if that's what we are doing on Sunday mornings!!! I would rather stay in bed! I do not covet "a position in the church"  what a dangerous place to be in... I am sick of the hired consultants to tell us what our vision is... it's ALL IN THE WORD OF GOD for crying out loud! Someone even told me recently that the church in the United Kingdom died because they weren't willing to change...

absurd! churches die because they look for man made strategies to keep them alive rather than going the The One who sustains it! How spoiled, self centered, self sufficient and arrogant have we become to believe that we can plan for "the success of the Church"? HIS CHURCH! THE KING'S CHURCH! ... when it is God the One who adds the ones that will be added... when "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds." 

It's not about up to us to "make it succeed"... yes... many of our churches are "successful"  (apparently) because of their many activities and strategies and because of the ruthless leaders taking them "higher". We have pastors that no longer suffer for Christ and somehow convince us that this is their "calling" (In many cases a six figure calling!)... I wonder if they knew their lives as pastors would be like Paul's was if they would feel the same way about this calling!

"24Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again.24 Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one.25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones,three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26 I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. 27 I have labored and toiledand have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28 Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches."  

And yet Paul wouldn't be hired by us .... because He probably didn't have the looks, the money, the "influence" the "leadership skills"... He wasn't a "visionary" or young enough...

 And here we are ... running like headless chickens... choosing to have our churches led by strategists, visionaries,  CEOs and consultant groups because it's easier than a life of prayer... they seem to have it all... they grow and grow and become the biggest, the greatest in the eyes of men.... I wonder if we could see with God's eyes where that most successful church is... is it meeting in an old building? Does it have really bad music but a heart of worship? Is it in a quiet home with the prayerful family? I wonder.... I just know that we sadly buy into the deception

And then... the whole "everything happens for a purpose" phrase has infiltrated our churches  who then give more permission to those running the show to take advantage... I wonder how many of our leaders are actually God's judgment and not God's blessing... like in the days when Saul was crowned king... that God's people wanted a king so badly that God gave them exactly what they wanted (even if it was bad for them) ... and then we tell the victims to find "God's purpose" behind what they're going through... and How God is "doing all this" we sound insane! not in a good Biblical way just insane.... God is not behind sin... He is not behind the abuse... He is not the cause of the deception... and Yes... He will not waste these momentary tribulations in their lives... but Woe to those who were willing and happy to be the cause for His children's pain and suffering.

When do you leave a church? I don't know about you... You tell me...

Just don't say "when the Word of God stops being preached"  if you only refer to the words that are said out loud. Because the evil ones hear you and this allows them to keep preaching the Word of God with their lips but with their actions they deny it.

I just can't stand to be on the side of injustice... Because even if I lose any leftover reputation I might still have, or lose the "friendships" of some that I now know never were, I'll also lose the comfort of having the place that was my my other home, fun activities, a place to go to... I do it for what's correct... not without pain... and I rejoice to join in the pain of those who have been unjustly treated, I rejoice (in tears) to teach my children that following God is not always following the majority, that it hurts at times, that if I can't endure this then if any days of persecution come I won't be able to endure that, I rejoice in the fact that The Church can't be divided and I am a part of it... I rejoice in the fact that God is faithful and He never changes... I rejoice while it hurts... because God will comfort me from that too!


"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean." Matthew 23:27


© Paloma K.

Fat again and again but never quitting

Hello everyone! It's been a while since I last posted anything here... Life has been busy, beautiful, chaotic, blessed and filled with smiles and moments to treasure... it has also been pretty fattening for me... Let me tell you a little background...

I've struggled with my weight for a long time... At first it was more of an imaginary struggle, I was the teen that just wanted to be skinny and petite... even when that just wasn't me.... I liked a guy who liked skinny girls so even at a healthy weight I started to obsess about it... that's when my love/hate relationship with food began....

I submitted myself to pills, crazy diets, shots in the "problem areas", etc... I would always lose weight and then I'd gain it all back but then some.... and that... that's exactly when the problem started... every time I reached my goal weight then I'd gain it all back but with additional pounds that weren't there to begin with... and at some point the imaginary issue became a real one... my eating was deeply connected to my emotions... I'd lose weight out of "spite", I'd gain weight out of sadness, I'd lose it to prove a point, I'd gain it because I didn't know how to stay thin! it was crazy...

Fast-forward many years... to 2011 (a husband and 2 beautiful daughters later) I started to change my life for my health not just for the way I looked... I had two girls to care for, to play with, to enjoy life with and to live long for! I wanted to be healthy and enjoy outdoorsy activities with my wonderful husband, life was good and I no longer wanted the quick fix or to impress someone... I wanted to live a good, healthy life and set a good example to my children... I started walking a lot and then running, I counted calories obsessively (not really knowing how food works or anything about nutrition) and I managed to lose 50 pounds... I was on top of the world... But ... I still wasn't happy ... I still wanted to lose weight and I started to realize that after months of intense exercise and watching my calorie intake more than ever the weight just wouldn't budge... I went to doctors who said "well, eat less" (how??)... I was becoming increasingly discouraged and frustrated... what was going on? A doctor even prescribed a low dose of thyroid medicine (Levothyroxine) and mentioned I had thyroid issues... the medication didn't seem to make a difference (except that I just didn't feel quite right)... back then (and as you'll be able to see on this blog) I was an avid baker... I loved sugar, butter, flour! I enjoyed baking often throughout the week and while I didn't eat what I baked I was giving it to my family because well... they didn't have a weight issue... in my desperation I started to read medical books, researched about thyroid and started to look into different eating plans... That's when something clicked! I now learned how food can heal you or make you sick... it's not all about counting calories... especially if what you are pursuing is HEALTH... I also learned how your body "gets used" to a certain level of exercise and you have to "switch things up" a bit for it to work... I loved all this and I now realized that I was hurting my family by feeding THEM sugar and flour.... (I then learned butter was fine! I always thought I had to eat everything LOW FAT! LOW CALORIES!) ... I started to see food differently.... as a source of fuel! I also learned that I am not a slob! (hahahaha).... I learned that while society sees all fat people as undisciplined, lazy cows... we sometimes are the most disciplined of all.... submitting ourselves to painful and even dangerous procedures, diets and medications... many of us are willing to *lose our lives* on an operating table to MAKE THIS FAT GO AWAY! I ALSO learned that while I had read books that made my fatness seem like a spiritual issue IT WAS JUST NOT THAT! I didn't need someone telling me that I was fat because I wasn't going to Jesus when I craved cupcakes!

******

I want to make sure I am clear on this... I am not saying that having a relationship with Jesus won't help you through it all.... I am saying that YOUR WEIGHT AND MY WEIGHT can't be blamed on our spiritual lives. Because if "you go there" and you tackle your weight issue as a spiritual issue then ... when the weight doesn't budge or when you "gain it back" now you'll be discouraged for being a double failure... not only in the physical but in the spiritual area too... and I think that's dangerous.

*****

When we have a weight struggle we all try to find the ONE REASON behind it... the ONE THING that will do the "trick" to help us lose the weight and keep it off.... the truth is that there are SO MANY FACTORS BEHIND IT ... I learned that many of them I CAN'T CONTROL.... and many of them I can.....

Girlfriend, if you're reading this and you've tried everything let me tell you YOU ARE NOT ALONE... I have been there... If you, like me, have gone through phases where you start posting pictures on social media of yourself because you finally start to feel comfortable with the way you look and then at some point there are less and less pictures where you appear and then there is just NONE.... I get it! I've been there! It breaks my heart when I start to see less and less pictures of the people I love and I know have struggled with their weight... because I want to give them a hug and say "I KNOW! I know! It hurts!" I know exactly what they're feeling because either I have felt it or I am feeling it right at that point.

So.... back to where I was.... Like I said... I started to learn about nutrition and exercising... seeing it all differently... and through it all I kept working... pushing through... and I joined a gym I think in 2015 (Life Time Fitness) .... I started to train everyday by myself and occasionally with an amazing trainer... (Aaron Miller)... He taught me about different things I could do and introduced me to strength training.... I had never understood "weights" and now I was using them and actually enjoying them... I started to see my body changed... I lost weight but now that wasn't my only metric... I started to see my body fat go down and my muscle increase...it was awesome! For the first time in my life I felt STRONG... stronger than ever... I wasn't pursing skinny... I was pursing health, strength, muscle definition... I started to understand how with age you want those muscles to protect your joints and bones... Now the whole food=fuel thing made sense... I was eating to fuel my body, to restore, to replenish, I was eating with a purpose... Protein and carbs they all had their place in my life... sugar wasn't even tempting any more... I did things I never thought... it helped me even overcome some fears and set goals not even weight related... My goals were now go climbing or get on a zip line (which I did) ... I felt young! (even at 37!!) and in my "I'm so young" feeling hubby and I thought "let's go for another baby" ... (I am so happy for that!) ... I got pregnant right away... it was 2016 and I thought this would be the easiest, healthiest pregnancies of all ... it wasn't ... somehow I developed gestational diabetes... WHAT??? .... I managed to keep my numbers controlled by not following the doctors' recommendations and diet... I armed myself with a glucometer and my knowledge of food... this would be my chance to prove what I've been doing... and it was! I tested following the doctor's diet... low calories, low fat ... and my sugar went through the roof... I followed my own knowledge of food, how things work... and my numbers were perfect... My doctor said he had never seen such great numbers.... I was ecstatic that regardless of a medical condition I could protect my baby now with my knowledge of all these years of studying and researching....  I then had my baby... a 3rd. C section... things weren't easy inside the operating room.... The doctor was amazed (scared) at how thin my uterus was and how it miraculously didn't rupture... he said "had he known this, there would've been an emergency c-section way sooner" ... he managed to close the uterus... (he explained what he had to do but I won't bore you with that) ... I was recovering and hoping after the delivery I would, naturally, lose weight... but it wasn't the case.... after having my 9 pound 8 oz. baby I went to the dr's office for my 1st check up and huh... I had gained 5 pounds... HOW? 1 month later I was another 15 pounds heavier (than my heaviest at pregnancy!!!) and then I continued to gain.... I went back to the gym trying to give it my all... I went back to my knowledge of food and it just wasn't DOING IT! I continued to see my reflection get bigger and bigger... what in the world happened? My body wasn't doing what it was supposed to....

I have a friend that I work out with and she said "Paloma, I see all you do! I think you should go to the doctor because this isn't normal" she was right... But doctors had disappointed me so many times before... could they help? I decided I would go back to Mexico to see a doctor there.... The private medical practice in Mexico is outstanding... the service is personal, they care to dig to find the real source of the issue.... and an aunt of mine recommended an endocrinologist there... (I thought it had to be my thyroid just like the endocrinologist here in the USA told me)... I set up an appointment....

As I waited for the day to come to go back to Mexico I discovered some classes in my gym.... I started to attend Strictly Strength, Pilates, STRIKE (kickboxing), Life Barre, Barre Fusion and  Zumba. It was challenging for me... My body was against me.... I felt embarrassed, self conscious and just disgusting...

Have you ever felt like you have to explain to people "trust me! I am not a lazy fat person! I really try!!!"? I felt like that.... while other people were doing crunches and planks I was sweating just trying to lift my head from the ground because of the massive body I was trapped in....

One day I hit a new low.... It was a day in July this year (2018) right before my trip to Mexico to see my doctor...

It was my second times trying the Pilates class... where thankfully the lights are dim... and as I sweated and puffed trying to do the challenging movements I started to cry... I could've started sobbing uncontrollably but of course I wasn't going to... I was surrounded by people... thankfully I was sweating so much that you couldn't tell there were so many tears.... but inside of me I was yelling... screaming at every move! Wondering how in the world someone so dedicated like me got to this? I have helped people change their lives around... I have blogs and facebook pages about nutrition, I have held nutrition classes in my home, a friend of mine not only lost weight but her consistent headaches were gone following the tips I shared with her.... and yet... here I was .... reaching the morbidly obese title all while I NEVER STOPPED FIGHTING!!! I didn't deserve this! I should be able to do the movements! and yet... I am an ungraceful mass attempting to do Pilates. I should just have a cheeseburger!

I am letting you in my deepest feelings..... I was hoping nobody could see me.... I was hoping I could just disappear and yet I felt like "the BIG center of attention" ... I reassured myself and told myself "don't worry... it's just your mind! I'm sure nobody notices" ... As the class ended I wanted to run out of there... I picked up my mat and bolted towards the door... when I saw a lady I know... she's sweet and her intentions are good... but given my state... you understand how I felt when I saw her...

She's graceful and slim, she's very outspoken about nutrition and healthy living.... I can't see an ounce of extra weight on her....  She doesn't really know me that well so of course she doesn't know what I've been through....

She stops me... I am in pain inside....

She encouragingly tells me "Paloma, you did a great job... "

I want to disappear

She tells me "We're all in different places in our journey..."

I want to run.... I start to explain... I want her to know... My journey is long... I am not a beginner... I should look like her... not like me....

The worst happens....

I start to cry.... UGH!!! I even start to explain I am going to see a doctor!

She starts to pray for me (I told you ... she's sweet! I just didn't feel I could go through that... not in that moment) ... People are passing by us because we're close to the door..... I didn't want anyone to see me and here I am... being prayed over out loud by the door.... with the mixed feelings of thankfulness for her taking the time to pray for me and try to encourage me and sadness and anger that I am seen LIKE THIS!

I thanked her and disappeared... I couldn't get to my locker quickly enough... I picked up my kids from childcare and got in the car.... now to cry even more.... I got home, wiped my tears away and started cooking lunch... hubby came and I started to tell him... now sobbing....

Praise God for my husband.... He's so good through all of this, encouraging and always tells me how much he admires everything I do... So he just listens while I sob...

And so we started our trip... As I saw the doctor I explain to him what's going on... he sees my lab results (of all the tests he ordered) and tells me there was no way I was going to lose the weight ... I needed help... it's insulin resistance... It is different for everyone as not two people are exactly alike... In my case I just couldn't lose the weight and on the contrary I continue to gain...

I explained my frustration... he listened... I asked all the questions I needed to ask about food/exercise and since his wife is a nutritionist he understands all my questions about proteins and carbs and fats... and when he suggests me to watch the fat intake (for now)  I ask him about the ketogenic diet (which at some point I attempted) and he explains why and how it just wasn't going to do anything for me... finally a doctor took the time to listen and had the full knowledge to answer... He prescribed some medication (metformin) and I explain how I don't want to be on meds my whole life... He tells me I won't have to because if I put the work I say I do ... the time will come when I will be able to continue on my own... I don't want to get my hopes to high but I leave his office with answers and it just made sense...

I continued with my normal routine of exercise and tweak my food intake a bit.... (didn't really change much but I was less wary of carbs) ... And I started to see results....

God has put people in my life that have been amazingly NEEDED in this process... not only my doctor has been helpful through this all, my husband, my beautiful children, my friends, the person who prayed when I felt like hiding, my siblings, my parents but also my instructors... I am going to say particularly Annika!

That short girl that is fiery as nobody else... She deceives you into doing "just one more" (don't trust her though), she pushes you, challenges you and gets you to do what you thought you couldn't do....

It was through her STRIKE (kickboxing) class that I knew I needed her in my life.... As I went to her first class and I heard her speak... I wondered if everyone else was feeling like me... Each class is like a breakthrough session... like a therapy through physical movements....  I wondered who else was facing their demons through her class as she yells "punch him in the face!" ... because as she says... "your enemy might not be a person" ... And every time I am in her class I do... I punch my fears, my I can'ts, my insecurities and my negative self image, I punch the guy that followed me and my girls at a store and took pictures of us, I punch the voices of people (or a person) who once put me down.... and I get goosebumps and as the class ends I get the feeling of being a winner... I get to lift my arms in victory because regardless of it all and everything you've read... I am a winner... hey ... not everyone "sticks with it" after years and years... I am no quitter, I am stronger than I might appear on the outside... and like my oldest daughter once told me "mommy! You just never stop!"

Because while my body might not show it... My girls have seen it... and while I don't look like the "example of health" I AM the very example that I wanted to set for them... to fight, to not make excuses, to overcome and to keep going no matter what...

Have I felt like quitting? Many times!!! I am far from perfect and if it wasn't for the support I have I probably would've quit already.... There are times where I have actually thrown in the towel and eaten what I shouldn't  but then I pick the towel back up and keep going. Not because I am special.... Everyone can do it.

I told my doctor it's hard to continue when I see no results and he said...

"oh but you do see results! If you weren't exercising and eating the way you do you would be diabetic right now.... because of what you do you're NOT"

See... eating healthy and exercising and taking care of yourself is never without reward... You deserve it!

I have so much to say... And while I am thinking of writing a book or starting a group or a page or something... For now I tell you...


If you have weight issues it doesn't mean...

You're lazy
You're not disciplined
You're less spiritual than...
You're a failure....

Just like not every skinny person is hardworking, spiritually "there", disciplined or a success....

We can't generalize.... ever... Your issues are not my issues... I can't pretend to understand exactly what you've done, I can't say "you're fat because...." and simplify it into ONE thing ... it might be even outside of you....

Genes, leptin, fat cells, age, etc... all play a role... in my case that last pregnancy, at my age, with my medical history, hereditary factors all caused the perfect storm and at some point no matter what I did I still needed something external to come in and interfere....

And right now... while I have lost 30 pounds (since July 20th 2018) and I strive towards losing many more.... (many many) and while I hope to be able to keep all the pounds off I know it will always be something I struggle with.... for me (like my doctor said) it will always be an uphill battle... and I know for many people it is the same way...

Do not get discouraged... keep fighting...

You're not alone in this! Don't compare yourself to others... If keto doesn't work... You're not doing something wrong... it might just not be for YOU. Remember... When it comes to weight loss and health NOT ONE THING works for everyone... What might be good for others might not be fore you...   you might have to tweak things a bit for yourself... Are there plans I recommend? Of course... My favorite ones are:

Trim Healthy Mama
The Fast Metabolism Diet
The Paleo Diet
The Whole30

And if you want to get all into it (like I did) and learn about the science behind it all... I absolutely recommend this book:


Hungry Gene: The Science of Fat and the Future of Thin


You'll learn so much from all these books ... But again, take your time with it all... Be consistent and see what works best for you specifically.

And here's a picture of me.... still with lots of pounds to lose, still far from where I want to be but celebrating the fact that I am healthier and never quitting... and the fact that I entered these jeans again!

Thanks again to everyone who has been supportive through all my stages... thanks again Anikka for being MY trainer... because if you go to her class.... she's YOUR trainer (no matter how PACKED that room is!).

If you're trying this alone... Don't do it... Surround yourself with support! I'm here for you! If at least as comfort to know that someone "gets it".

© Paloma K.

Disclaimer: This post contains may contain affiliate links. Which means that if you follow a link a buy a product I get a small percentage of the purchase. It doesn't cost you more. I am not paid to recommend any of these products, these are my actual, real, personal opinions.

The BEST oils for a tight budget and skeptical ME

Hello everybody, first of all let me tell you that when I started this blog, about 7 years ago, I didn't know how much things would change... or how long I would even keep up with a blog (not that I've been keeping up that great lately) but this blog of mine started like an outlet when I first moved from a city in Mexico to a city in Wisconsin, USA... When I married my online boyfriend (on the 7th time we met in person), who loves coffee very much... So the name "The Coffee Shop" was created... I started sharing about life, faith, then pregnancy, motherhood, coffee of course was always present... and even started sharing recipes in my newly found love for baking. In this blog I've shared my marriage, two pregnancies, our move from Wisconsin to Texas, about our church, concerts, sometimes I've even dared share some sort of political rant but I think I do a well job staying away from those, I've shared about my culture, my love for baking with lots of sugar, regular flour, lots of butter and even the oh so gross and oh so great for oh so very flaky pie crusts CRISCO shortening, etc... This blog has also seen me turn into all things healthy, no wheat, no sugar, yes real foods like butter, I've gained weight, lost it and sadly gain some... I've talked thyroid health, gall bladder issues, kids crafts, etc... I've baked beautiful things and had total disasters in my kitchen... homeschooled and keep on homeschooling... And in all this long thing you've never seen me talk about essential oils! What's this hype about essential oils that everyone talks about? Come on! Another FAD! how can oil help anybody's health? I mean... yes... I knew coconut oil was good for you and I embraced all good fats! But ... why would smelling an oil improve anything? A few months ago I read a bit about aromatherapy and I felt like I got the gist of it and it didn't convince me... Then I read you can't ingest oils and I thought everyone who said they were putting drops of oil in their water or baking with it were complete nuts! Don't they know you can't ingest essential oils? Oh! The horrible fate that awaits them for using them internally! They should know better! And I am the one that should've known better...  I continued to see FB friends and relatives praise their oils and I was convinced it had to be some sort of collective brainwashing... Then when I saw the prices of some of the oils I thought for sure they were all trying to convince themselves they worked... why would they want to admit they spent all that money for something that doesn't really work? .. I decided to give oils a try and hubby got me some "great pure therapeutic grade oils" at a local supermarket... I felt awful, the smell itself me me nauseous and I knew I was done with oils... Yet I kept looking at people who were really looking healthier/happier I even saw marvels of "chewing gum" being removed from a carpet with some essential oils and I thought I had to vie the "expensive" oils a try... A wonderful friend from church very patiently explained about her own experience with oils and helped me get started... I'm actually just waiting for my very first batch of oils but I've already been using many samples and my goodness! Have they already made a difference here... I can already say that they have helped with the overall mood in the house (Yes, there's oils for that!) and I even helped some digestion issues my 7 year old has suffered from birth... Am I going to praise my oils? No... But now that I've been reading/learning more I realize it was so easy! the answer was right there! Our Creator made and provided things for us to use in nature... things that will definitely benefit (or hurt) us depending on how they are used... There's powerful stuff in the life of plants, the plants that God created, I had never seen all the references about oils and plants in regards to medicine in the Bible, I mean of course I had "seen them" but never really SEEN them.

About the price: While oils like Young Living are indeed pricey they are in no way expensive... My question would be... just to give a quick example... how much does a dozen of roses cost? how many roses do you need to make 1 ounce of essential oil? don't know? about 60,000 ... sometimes more (it all depends on the process) ... What about the growing of said roses? ensuring they are grown in the most perfectly balanced soil? By people who know how to grow them, free of pesticides, etc... A whole lot of steps and work are involved in this process, to protect the purity of the real good oils (I can only vouch for Young Living )

If you know me you know I'm all IN with the things I am passionate about... After just "Trying" this I am convinced, passionate and sharing with you! Because if you're like me and one day you end up diving into the oils... You'll feel like YOU MISSED OUT for a long time!

Now... You don't have to pay for the full price of oils... You could join as a member/distributor and enjoy 24% off of all of their products, if you enroll to their essential rewards you would then gather points that would go towards free oils, etc... Also Join NOW to take advantage of December promotions.

Trust me... I am in no way in the position of overspending... I enrolled on the Monthly Essential Rewards to receive monthly products from YL so I can get to know the rest of their products and share with you... My monthly order is only 51.00 (saying the word "only" is painful because for us that is not a small amount) but I've made tweaks in our budgets and cut our only 2 times eating out per paycheck so that we can do this... You didn't need to know that... but I am sharing so you know how "ALL-IN" I am in this... I will be trying the oils, doing some experiments and sharing it all with you! Join me in my newly found OILY journey!

Join me in living a healthier life...

(Note: I am not telling you to ingest essential oils... I am telling you to try Young Living and YOU WILL KNOW what you can ingest and what you can't ... If you can't ingest any of your oils... they might not be the best... definitely don't eat them!)



© Paloma K.

Easiest EVER Broccoli Soup - THM FP, S or E

Hello everybody! So... as you know I am on a mission (involuntarily) to share very INEXPENSIVE recipes that are on plan (Trim Healthy Mama). I can never say it enough: YOU can be a Trim healthy Mama even with a Trim Unhealthy Wallet! And here's one of my favorite new additions in my menus... Broccoli soup! I know, I know... it doesn't seem like the "newest" or most creative of things... But soups (in my opinion) should never be overlooked or underestimated... They can be packed with nutrition, it's a great way to say "I love you" to your family and now that the cooler temperatures are close (I live in Texas so let this girl dream) I feel like soups are the perfect thing to incorporate to your meal, they can be very filling and satisfying!

This Soup can marvelously be made with 1 ingredient only! YES! You heard that right! My sister told me how she heard of this and tried it in total disbelief and how much she loved it even when she didn't even expect to do so! So... I had to taste it to believe it... and am I glad I did! I can make it in the blink of an eye! I am still shocked at how easy and yummy this is.

So... What do you need? BROCCOLI!

This soup can be adapted to eat in any of the Trim Healthy Mama settings! so... I love it for that!

Let's see how it works:

For an FP or E Setting:

Yield:
2 servings (but feel free to eat the whole thing away)

Ingredients:

• Broccoli Florets (about 8 florets or 1 medium sized broccoli crown)

Directions:

Cook the broccoli florets in 3 cups of water until the broccoli is fork tender but preferably make sure it still keeps some of its vibrant green color. Transfer the cooked broccoli to a blender, season with salt, pepper and even some garlic powder if desired, add about 1 cup of water where you cooked the broccoli (that's where all the flavor is) and blend away! add more of the liquid if needed to reach desired consistency/thickness. You can garnish this with a dollop of 0% greek yogurt... You could also use Fat Free vegetable/chicken broth to cook the broccoli and add more flavor but you'll be surprised even with just water! It's yummy!

When serving in an "FP" Setting make sure you eat this as a side, Enjoy it freely to fill you up when eating some extra lean protein such as Chicken Breast, wild caught salmon, extra lean deli meat, etc.)

If you are eating in an "E" Setting Make sure you add a good source of carbs, you could have a deli wrap using "on plan" Sprouted Wraps (like Ezekiel) and extra lean deli meats, you could also eat a yummy sandwich using extra lean meats, laughing cow cheese and lots of fresh veggies. Get creative!

For an S Setting:

Ingredients:

• Broccoli florets
• 1 tbsp. of grass-fed butter (I love salted Kerrygold)
• Shredded Cheddar cheese (garnish)
• Dollop of sour cream (garnish)

Directions:

Follow the directions given above and just add the butter when blending... season to your taste and top with the shredded cheese and sour cream. Enjoy with the protein of your choice, you can have any kind of meat you like (fatty or lean).

This soup was so successful that my 7 and 4 year old princesses are asking me to make it even for breakfast... and that is a huge thing to say for my 4 year old because while she does enjoy some green veggies, she is more of a fruit eating girl... and I am so happy to see her devour this like it's ice cream!

I hope your family will enjoy it just as much!

© Paloma K.

What THM CAN and CAN NOT do for you

Ah! Complications!... Wouldn't we want everything to just always go smoothly? I often see on the THM groups on FB things that sometimes sound a lot like my very own thoughts.... comments like:

When there are pictures of yummy recipes my (and it seems that I am not alone) thoughts are:

- I wish I had a chef
- I wish I had more money for different ingredients
- Could you come and cook for me?

(and many more)

Sometimes I just click on "Save Recipe" or "Follow post" or "share" with the hopes of "being able to make such yummy recipes" some day... But let me tell you something...

If you haven't started THM yet and if you're waiting until "everything is perfect" let me tell you... stop waiting and start NOW....  Will it be perfect? No! Will things go smoothly right from the beginning? NO! But you will start taking steps in the right direction... Yes, yes, sometimes you will take 1 step forward and then take 1 back ... yes... sometimes you will feel overwhelmed with lots of information that doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to you yet... BUT MY TIP TO YOU will be... Grab 1 thing... ONLY 1 thing and apply it... practice it, rehearse it... and it will soon become 2nd. nature... if you apply 1 thing and 1 thing only each day (or even each week) at some point you will get very, very good at this!

Now.. if you are already a "THM Veteran" like me... but still find yourself drooling over luscious looking pies with ingredients that you can't afford at this very moment... this post is for you (and for me too)

THM can give us the guidelines to a healthier lifestyle
THM can provide tools to motivate us
THM can (and does) provide with tons of women that want to encourage and motivate you
THM can give you ideas for yummy meals on plan

THM CAN'T make us rich
THM CAN'T cook the meals for us (yet... LOL! Maybe some day!)
THM CAN'T start for us!

So... while we might not be able to change some things like our financial situation... we can focus on the things that we can change... starting with our attitude!

1. Focus on the YES! Start thinking of all the things that you CAN afford and how you can combine them according to plan! Make them look pretty! Enjoy them and be thankful (1 leaf of parsley over your soup can go a long way when it comes to VISUAL!)

2. CELEBRATE your victories! I love the THM Beginners group for that! I see so many women celebrating that they didn't eat a biscuit with their chicken or that they said no to candy! You go!

3. STOP COMPARING! (OY! Tough one!) your journey is not like anyone else's ... each and every single person is different.... way different! rejoice for those that melt away the pounds like butter in the sun and if that's not your case... don't throw the towel! What will that do to you? Keep at it! You're on the very right path.

I am not a "weight loser" I am a "weight finder" ... I feel like I smell food and I gain weight! If you are like me... stick with me! Let's be friends! I'll cheer you up and you might do the same for me when I'm down... Stop by my Facebook page and stick around for recipes, tips and encouragement! 

Look at some simple things I ate yesterday... Yummy, inexpensive and PERFECTLY ON PLAN:

 

 



What's in the picture above?

• (bottom left) A zucchini frittata (basically zucchini, eggs and some butter/cream cheese) with coffee that was an "S" meal, 
• (top left) Chicken tenderloins seasoned with Mrs. Dash Savory Seasoning
  and a cabbage/mayo slaw (the expensive "special" thing there would be that bai5).
• (top right)  a yummy (E) steel cut cinnamon oatmeal topped with 1 tbsp. of chia seeds.
• Last but not least: My precious! Oikos Triple Zero! Lots of protein ... Zero Fat... no added sugar and by itself is an FP.
By the way... if you feel like it... and can splurge right now... check this out:

FOR A LIMITED TIME Amazon has a 20% off Coupon on Bai5 Beverages: HERE

See? Not hard at all! Not complicated! What ingredients do you have? If you let me know what your favorite ingredients are I might be able to provide you with ideas on how to use those! Just let me know!


© Paloma K.

Disclaimer: Some links in this post are affiliate links, this means that you pay the same price, but I also receive a very small compensation. I recommend products I have tried and love.