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Monday, February 9, 2015

Valentine's Day - all you need is love!

Good day everyone! It was a gorgeous day outside here on East Texas, the sun was bright and the air  cool but very pleasant...

So... Valentine's Day... right? it's coming and many (including me) are looking forward to it ... dates are nice, and we all want and enjoy them (I know I do)... but something I need to remember to keep my focus on is how all I need is LOVE!

In a marriage... Dates are not REALLY NEEDED (although I know it is just an expression)... DATES ARE WANTED and APPRECIATED...  Time and communication with our spouse IS needed... but "dining out, flowers and chocolate" are not a NEED  yes, dates out are awesome, they're nice, they're great, they're fun but not INDISPENSABLE... Traveling is not needed, days without the kids are not needed, expensive dinners, clothes and gifts ARE NOT needed...

All we NEED is love!


Sometimes we get confused between the external demonstrations of love and the very essential source of those demonstrations... LOVE itself! We can hang beautiful curtains on our windows, have the best decorations, buy nice things for our homes... and if the very foundation is not solid... cracks will form, deep cracks that we might not see in the beginning because we are so focused on other "adornments" but they can grow so much, so deep... that the house at some point will fall or become inhabitable.


My parents have been a great example of love for me... true, deep, awesome love... their "house" (marriage) never had fancy drapes, nice vases or decorations, flowery stuff but their foundation is solid... They LOVE each other... they love each other in a practical way, when one cares for the other when sick, when imperfections become part of the very things you love about that person, when come what may they'll always be together... They don't date... in my family we've gone through so much... winds and storms have hit... there's been poverty and trying to survive... moments of defeat, loss, struggle, real struggle where dates, dinners out (sometimes dinners at all), movies were not even on anybody's mind... where my dad would show his love by trying to sell some rocks he found on the backyard ... and carrying water from outside so we could have some water in the house, where my mom would show her love by always trying to have a cup of instant coffee ready for him or by encouraging him, listening, being cheerful in the situations, being prayerful until her knees got calluses...

I've never seen my dad give my mom a Valentine's gift (although growing up I did see him did pick a flower here and there for her, wrote her a nice letter, always called her sweet things or reminded her of a song they both liked)... but in spite of no movies or specific Valentine's gifts I've never thought they didn't love each other... I am not saying Valentine's gifts are bad (I want one!) I am just saying that sometimes our focuscan be a little deviated from where it should be... and of course social media doesn't make it that much easier... I am so glad there was no facebook (sometimes not even electricity though... ) for my parents to see where everybody else was going, what they were wearing, the brands they got, etc or to be told through many posts that they should "go out on a date, pay for a babysitter, etc." ... I am so thankful they never paid for marriage conferences where they would be told "he needed to be more romantic" and "she needed to be sexier" (conferences are great and I know they have saved marriages, we just have to take the good, what's godly and discard whatever might not apply to us) ...  So ... I guess what I am trying to say...  If you're happy with your husband who might not be very romantic but loves you to pieces and everyday works and sacrifices for his family then... enjoy!!! We shouldn'tt need a "special date" to feel loved... He is LOVING YOU every day! If your man is your spiritual leader and he prays for you when you need it! Treasure that and don't feel the need to "live up" to the facebook/instagram pictures of anybody else! ... You have a special thing as long as Love (with capitol L) is the foundation...

My man is amazing and he often doesn't match the descriptions of posts that invite you to "share if your husband is a *true* gentleman with 9 chivalrous habits" but he does way more than that... and I wouldn't trade back...

Some posts will tell you that your husband should "watch girly movies with you" and that is part of making him a "true gentleman" ... the truth is that I don't even like most girly movies so I don't need that from him ... Josh is MY prince, MY knight in a shining armor, MY VERY TRUEST gentleman and there is nobody like him for me...



I am not saying men shouldn't do all those chivalrous things ... I just think that if they don't necessarily do "them all" that's ok too! Everybody is different... and we should appreciate what we have. The one and only thing I can tell you every marriage needs (without any fear to be mistaken) is... Love ....

Love... 

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." 1 John 3:16


Love...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

My man loves God, doesn't yell, laughs hard at my jokes, finds my goofiness special, tells me how smart I am often, asks for my opinion, prays with and for me, is a great daddy to our girls, loves and respects my parents and siblings, helps others, serves others... and lots of other things that I don't even have to share... because you don't need to know... your husband WILL be different from mine and I don't have to put together a "list of 9 things" that your hubby should be or do!

Have fun this Valentine's Day! Go on a date if you can afford it (and if it really means something to you), I want one myself! I am excited just thinking what we might do... it can be here at home... maybe just a special dinner when the girls go to bed... or just eat a piece of a special kind of chocolate (dark chocolate over 85% cocoa if you are a Trim Healthy Mama). I might not have the best ideas for you... but just do what comes from the heart, what's meaningful for you both and what shows... Love... not to the world... not to facebook... but to both of you! Things will look different depending our season in life.

According to many blogs... My parents don't even know that their marriage shouldn't exist any more! Or at least it shouldn't be a Happy one! And yet... there they are! My dad still making sure there's no cold wind blowing into the house during the night, my mom still making his coffee!


Don't fall trap for all those things that pretend to "help your marriage" and sometimes end up hurting... many posts have the best intentions... and they're not at all giving you bad advice... most of the writers might be godly people who have experienced things that work for THEMSELVES... but don't let anything put a strain on your relationship, an added stress, a discontentment for the things you now feel "you should be enjoying" just because your FB contacts are... 
If you have Love... this Valentine's Day... you have it all!!! 

© Paloma K.



3 comments:

Adele Bower said...

Paloma,
Beautifully said. I agree with your viewpoints. My husband is a perfect gentleman at all times, a devoted Christian, a wonderful Father and Grandfather, a shining example of manhood......yet we have never been on a date since we married 62 years ago. I, too, thought the phrase "date night" strange when I first heard it. No need for it in our home. Thank you for this blog.

Paloma said...

Thank you so much Mrs. Adele ... I appreciate your comment! I can tell your husband is a godly man by the things you've shared about him and his posts... that is wonderful! The fact that you like this post is a great validation to me. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Paloma,
Great post! Love it! We don't do date nights. We have 6 blessings and live away from family. But I rarely feel the need for one. Sure I miss our old dates, you know before kids,lol. But my husband and I can have wonderful discussions over late night take out and we both love it. The Lord knew we were perfect for each other from day 1 and I wouldn't have it any other way. I pray we are being an example to our children like your parents were for you.
Thank you for your encouraging words, hermana!
_Ailene_